Mid-20s Malaise

Struggling against the inevitable since 1986!

30 Things: Day Two

Your first love

I’ve started and deleted this entry several times. For myriad reasons, it’s not something I’m comfortable talking about (well, talking about, yes; blogging about, no), so I won’t go into much detail.

My first boyfriend and I were friends for several years before we started dating (at the age of 21, which seems a lifetime ago now), and I’d loved him as a friend all that time. When was that meant to ramp up to romantic love?

I’ve never been in a relationship where we’ve used the word “love” with each other – ending texts with an “x”, joking that we “the opposite of hate” each other, but never using the word “love”. What the fuck was I so scared of? It especially seemed so silly as I have dozens of friends I love, and freely tell them as much. What’s so different about romantic love?

So I’ve been in love three, maybe four times, and never told the guy. Which is actually pretty sad.


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